Yesterday I was whining over the non-profit association I am participating in. And I kept on whining after I had finished writing, whining to myself, until I was really irritated. Oh! let me say it straight out! I was so pissed off! (Sometimes one needs to be vulgar, sorry about that…)
The fact that I have spent lots and lots of hours on this project for four months now – a public gardening area I think it might be called – and not taking proper time off to relax, is my fault. I am dealing with that now, taking enough time off.
I have made a homepage, a blog, an Instagram account, and a Facebook page – and been trying to run those as well. They look gorgeous, but running them doesn’t fit into my expectations. In other words – I don’t do it often enough! For goodness sake! Nothing is happening worth writing about!
I have dealt now with my need for relaxing-time, time for myself. I do what I have to do – a lot of marketing has been done these last weeks – and then I put it all aside and do my things. Biking tours and walks, sitting on the balcony listening to either a book or to Kryon on Youtube or watching a movie. I also meet friends and family now and then. Not thinking about what I should do – even if there are things I should do.
So…. if the end is good then all is good?
Yes and no! I have set work aside from now on and enjoy what I do at the present moment, but there are occasions when I have to go to the garden and meet the other. I have lost almost all interest in doing so.
Don’t get me wrong, most of them are nice people. I just don’t want to spend most of my time with them, as if that is the only life I have!
I was supposed to, when I finally retired, to spend time with myself and my Mac! I was supposed to – at least in my mind – to spend most of my days writing, and making long bike tours. Mainly, not only.
Shortly: first some things happened – no writing; then I moved back to my hometown – and accidentally began to drive my eldest grandson back and forth to his work in a neighboring city, he had no driver’s license then. For more than two years I did that!!! Not much writing, not enough biking! Stress building up!
Immensely!!! Got high blood pressure – didn’t know – got a TIA (a mini-stroke). Had luck. It wasn’t severe, more like a wake-up call for me.
SO THEN – I began sitting at the library – writing! BUT got headhunted (haha) after just a couple of months, which led to this current situation. Randomly writing – trying to – mostly NaNo and such.
I have been losing weight since the beginning of September. 15 kilograms so far (ca 33-33,5 pounds) Feel good! Feel beautiful! Have bought a lot of new clothes. Tight jeans and such. From L and XL to S and M. If I feel happy and satisfied! OF COURSE, I DO!!! And everything was – and on the whole IS – fine!
Wish I knew… was back at the doctors last week,
blood pressure a bit too high… again?????
Now! Back to the gardening issues!
There is one fairly young woman who irritates me immensely. Not me in particular, but maybe I tend to react more to that kind of behavior. She is so full of her self. Not mean, she has kind sides as well. But sooooo tiresome and tedious. And sometimes she is mean! And lazy… never get her things done…
I am not even sure I can describe this fully! She thinks she is superior to everyone else, she talks talks talks – showering people with words! Doesn’t perform what she is supposed to do – and for some odd reason, she is the secretary.
She just sat there at the first meeting this year, and took for granted that she was the secretary! And as often is, no one else was suggested nor anyone offered him- or herself… and so she was the secretary! And she thinks she knows how it should be done!
She is often telling others how clever she is, how much she knows, how experienced she is, everyone else in the world is idiots because they don’t “get” her (she has really said that) – and she never gets her tasks done! She keeps on lecturing about drugs, medicines, what she is taking, what she is not taking, what she has been taking… and then she talks about her 6-year-old son, endlessly, and he seems to be diagnosed with every letter in the alphabet… pour kid! He seems to be quite nice, you know! Says I, who has a grandson who is/was extremely ADHD. One of the worst.
He is grown up now…
Upon that she can’t handle not being the one and only superior one. She can’t even admit that someone else can be as knowledgeable and skillful as she claims herself to be!
At a board meeting quite recently, there were only four of us. I and the chairman, she and her mother. Both are members of the board. She didn’t feel well that day, she has a lot of issues, also some letters, and at one moment she was bragging about how skillful she is in writing. And after like a long time of that bragging, I said, I too am very good when it comes to writing. (As a matter of fact, I am much better. I have seen how she writes. She is not bad, but certainly not as excellent as she claims.)
So I just mentioned that I too was skilled, and not in a particularly loud voice, and she freaked out totally! She screamed at me that I just told her she was an idiot, and I don’t remember any longer what else she said. I got devastated and very very sad. It hurt so much.
Her mother calmed her down though, said it wasn’t meant like that. She swallowed some of her pills and we tried to finish the meeting as soon as possible. A bad, sad person had a bad day. By the way, she never apologized to me.
Okay! I can’t write all down what I have seen, heard, and experienced around her, but one thing more I will tell you. That what finally made me totally pissed off yesterday, though it had been nagging me for some time.
One of her duties is to search for funds suitable for us as a non-profit gardening association. That is one of the things she always is bragging about. How good she is in doing that, how often she has done it, also helped others. Oh yes… she is sooooo clever…. so skilled… such experience… (You notice my irony, don’t you?)
She did offer herself already in January at our first association meeting, and I was so glad I didn’t have to do those things. I hate it, I get over-nervous when trying to… panicking actually. I have tried, because of a job-task I had to perform a couple of years ago, so I know how I react.
About a month ago, after several reminders from the chairman, she finally mailed him a list. Links… for him and me to go through, download application blankets, fill in them accurately (oh, that is a hateful work task, so many ”proofs” of this and that which are needed).
When I saw that list, which was quite long despite she had been told to pick out a few, to begin with… when I read through the short description of what one could apply for… I just thought …. How stupid is she really?
We are supposed to survive as a gardening association, first of all, this year! Then slowly we might grow into something more. A small cafeteria maybe, Like coffee and ice-cream during the summer.
Not taking care of handicapped and sick old people, not taking care of and tutoring children and teenagers that are lost in society and need extra attention.
We want to create a place for everyone that lives in our neighborhood. Create a place where everyone is welcome to sit down for a while in peace and stillness, meeting friends, barbecue, having coffee, make new acquaintances over the barrier of age, gender, language, culture, religion, skin color, and so on. And hopefully – also some who want and can grow plants and weed… taking care of the garden…
This is about integration! To make a difference towards more peace and safety in our neighborhood! And since this area also is expanding a lot, new buildings are built, older ones are renovated, new people are moving here, it will overall be a more expensive area. A little bit posher.
It is pinpointed by the city itself, together with the poshest place in the city. The harbor area where now really magnificent properties are built, with very expensive condominiums to be. And hotels, restaurants, conference utilities and so on.
The whole city is growing, and growing fast, in a very positive direction – as is also our neighborhood.
That was almost a pamphlet, wasn’t it?
So finally! Why did I get so upset?
Monday! I was in the garden when she came with her mother and some other people. Hi, she said, and then she showered me with words.
First about watering the garden areas. It was so tiresome and took so long to do it. And we needed to buy this and we needed to buy that… 5 water hoses och several sprinklers and… for goodness sake! We don’t have a that big garden! And most of the flowers and bushes are planted inside pallet rims. Like smaller or larger boxes! We can’t have sprinklers! Those areas of the lawn aren’t bigger than we can water it with the hose! She said what she said as if she had done it all by herself, but later I heard that her mother had been helping her.
Besides! She had volunteered herself to water the areas for two weeks in a row, and after eight days she had only done it once, the first day when she got the key.
Before long, just a couple of days, the soil was of course all dried up. A rockery was about to fall apart, it was made fairly recently and the plants were yet not particularly big. Hadn’t finished rooting themselves.
There was a corner where her son had planted seeds – they were dead. She didn’t tell me this. Another woman did. A very nice woman.
After the topic of watering, she began babbling about the funds, and she offered to help me to do them since she was so clever and knew so well how to do that! Note bene – she always uses 1000 words when only 10 are needed…
At that point, I said we don’t have that kind of money to buy hoses, and then I left.
Tuesday I met with this friend with whom I spoke about writing, among other things, and began longing so much to write my own stuff, that all the work I have done for the association… well… I didn’t want to do that any longer! For a moment I wanted to quit it all.
But then I reminded myself there was some fun and good stuff in this as well. I just need to not overdo anything, only reasonably do my work and make sure I get enough free time when I do what I want, for my own benefit!
And I certainly don’t want to do HER duties! There goes the line! It would be a pity, but in a way – it’s not my personal business whether this association lives or dies out to lack of money, is it?
No, it isn’t.
I have other friends I rather prefer to meet. Okay, some of these people I wouldn’t mind consort with more, but preferably not when She is around.
If you have read all this, all the way down here, I must applaud you, and thank you!
I have no illusions this has been a brilliant nor even mildly interesting text. I guess I first of all needed to get this stuff off my chest. If anyone else got something positive out of it in any way, even if it only created a burst of huge laughter, I give it humbly away.