Believe it or not

“Just as a snake sheds its skin,
we must shed our past over and over again.”
Buddha

I have dreams. Things I want to do. Things I yet don’t do as much as I down deep want. I want to learn new things, want to increase my knowledge of all that I’m interested in!
I want to write! I want to write every day on topics that matters to me! I want to write articles, essays, maybe once in a while a short story!

I did write a lot once! During six years I studied the craft of writing. Besides the theory, the criticisms of already written pieces, and all the writing exercises, I mostly wrote short stories, but have also several novel outsets in my folder. Once upon a time, I thought I would only write non-fiction, but I stunned myself while realizing I could also write fiction, and in different genres, believe it or not.

For the time being, I’m not so sure about the fiction…

You see! Then came the big burn-out and I lost it all! For many years this affected me more and less from day to day, and in different ways. With fatigue, pain and stiffness in the body, unable to concentrate, read, write…

Luckily the worst lies in the past now. I no longer live in stress. I’m fine. I’m recovering.
I even write some! But I want to do more. I aim for more!

At the same time I realize I’m not yet fully recovered. And that’s okay! Those tired days I can allow myself to be tired! I can allow myself to not clean the apartment if I don’t want to, and I don’t have to go out and mingle with people! I’m really grateful that I have the opportunity to be lazy almost as much as I want. There are only a couple of duties I have to perform, but those aren’t any burden for me.

So what will happen now?

Well! I intend to move to another apartment in mid December, I take for granted that one of those new-built ones will be mine. This move will be a kind of an outer expression for something that also will undergo changes inside of me.

I’m doing some cleaning here! And I don’t mean with a vacuum cleaner and a mop. I’m getting rid of belongings. Some furniture, books – the physical books are the hardest to give away, but most of them has to go. I’m cleaning among the files in the computer, among pictures, among anything old and unnecessary. I’m even giving back “The 27” to its rightful owner.

“The 27” is a 27 inch iMac that I bought from my best friend a couple of years ago. He was temporarily in lack of money, and since I for a long time had lusted for an iMac, I said yes to his offer. He comforted himself by saying the 27 would come to a good home. And a good home it has been for her, indeed.

But now I find her too big, to heavy, taking up too much space – and I don’t use her in the same way anymore. I don’t do any posters any longer, for example. And no colorful images from my photos. (Hardly never take any photos either) Nothing that will benefit a bit extra from a big screen. Believe it or not.

Though I’ll miss her! No doubt about that! But my friend got very happy when I offered him the 27 back, and when he is happy – I’m happy.

After all! I have a MacBookPro, an AppleTV, an extra screen, an iPad, an iPhone…
I’m covered. I’m good!
And will have less physical items to care about!

By the way – I’m also cleaning myself. Mind – body. Inside – out. All of me.