I confess

I lowered my goal on CampWriMo yesterday. From 31 000 to 30 000, and then – later the same day – to 28 000. Why?

Not because I thought I wouldn’t make it. I would, per se. But because I added a lot of words just to reach the daily amount of words. I became more and more stressed to reach the goal, and my texts became more and more gibberish.

I noticed, I relaxed when getting closer to the goal, and after that, I could keep on writing for several hundred words more. But when I add unnecessary words just to fill the daily quota, something is wrong. I even wrote, “it is” instead of it’s, and “do not” instead of “don’t” (and other short forms like that) in dialogues, only because it would enhance the number of words in total.

Not that I didn’t manage to write good scenes as well! I did! I do! It amazes me that I find that kind of scenes within myself. (When writing without thinking.)  😉
But it is so superfluous to deliberately add words you know you will delete later when editing.

The way I write now, for the Camp, is very different from how I usually write. Now, I just vomit words, whether they are adequate or not. That’s partly why I get so surprised that it ALSO comes out a story, and really good scenes! The story is actually driven forward!
On the whole, writing in my ordinary way of doing it, is a slower, more thoughtful way of writing. A lot of inspiration on that way too, of course, but when doing some editing during the way, and always before writing new stuff, reading through what I wrote the day before – gives me a more consistent form of writing. Better quality from the beginning, simply spoken. Less to edit, delete and replace later.

I also usually remember much more of the characters and the story, when writing in my usual way. In the beginning, I did so also with this story, but the more I wrote, the more difficult it got to keep track of things.

Is it all bad to participate in CampWriMo then?

No! Of course not. On the contrary! And it is not only because I get a storyline I can build on later. To me, it is also to train myself to get back in the habit to write daily. And there, the question is: would it be possible to jump a day or two? To not write for a day or two?

I wish I could answer that with a clear “YES”, but I’m doubtful. At least, for the time being, I really should write every day. At least something. If only 200 words! 50!!!

It was more or less a hell to start writing again after those two days when my daughter was here with son and friend. It is possible, that without CampWriMo, the “pause” would have lasted much longer.

For me, I realize that the main cause of the down-scale of my “go”, was the number of words per day I had chosen. It’s not that I can’t write 1000 words or more in a day, but having a “must do” over my head of doing it, didn’t encourage me. It blocked me. After all, during April-Camp, one day I wrote more than 1600 words in less than an hour!
Oh! I will never say “I can’t”!

However! I didn’t want to quit CampWriMo altogether. That would be a personal failure, as I see it. But! Since I chose the parameters for myself, I could very well down-size. So I did. Though, I admit, there was/is a part of me that wanted/want to quit the camp, and instead, start working on the story. Edit. Delete all those empty unnecessary words, straighten up the story… and so on.

But I won’t! I have only 1 715 words left to write, and eight days for doing it. So, of course, I will make it! And probably write more words than those 1715! I just won’t have that same pressure on me!

Especially after a burnout, one really shouldn't add 
unnecessary pressure on oneself. 
What you can't do anything about, you can't do anything about. 
Just let it be.

What it would have looked like with still 31 000 words as the goal