Disappointed

Just the other evening I had some kind of Netflix marathon. I watched the last three episodes of “Salvation” and there was no season three to watch! I googled and found out there wasn’t gonna be any season three either.

Thrillers are not usually my first preference when it comes to series or movies, but if there is something more in the story than just killing and other horrible action scenes, I might get caught. And “Salvation” has. Or had…

There were still questions in the plot that were unanswered, and an even bigger question arouse in the very last scene. The asteroid had not hit the earth, but instead, it stopped behind the moon, like pretending to have created some kind of lunar eclipse. Beams of bright light were emanating from behind the moon.

I wanted to know what would happen next! What was that asteroid really? Was it an asteroid at all? But, we will never know, will we?

It also made me think of my own fantasy story, where a huge spaceship has parked in front of one of the suns, pretending to act as a solar eclipse, darkening the city. What is that all about? 😉


About “Salvation” on Wikipedia

“The show centers on the discovery of an asteroid that will impact the Earth in just six months, highlighting the attempts to prevent it and its worldwide ramifications. The show looks at how different individuals and groups of people react to the impending doom.[1]”

And then CBS cancelled the series after two seasons. 😦

Letting go

For a couple of days now, I’ve been occupying myself by cleaning the Mac. Inside, that is, not the outside. That wouldn’t take several days. No! I’ve been going through files and folders.

Actually, I was starting with my writing folders. Found a lot of garbage and even huge amounts of duplicates. Still, haven’t gone through all of it, but at least now I have all that I have in one place. Except for the ones I have in Scrivener. I don’t have to have all those projects in there! Not until I actually start working on them, anyway. (That was a LOT of ‘have’s…)

Then I searched the Hard drive. Tried one search word after the other, trying to find stuff from my past and I found amazingly many. I don’t mean stuff that, so to speak, “belongs” to the hard drive. I mean old stuff that I’ve put there one time or another, and then had become archived for some reason. Among mail, messages, chats, attachments, images… many of which I thought I had deleted a long time ago.

Like mail from the time I was unemployed, which ended for soon four years ago. I thought I had deleted all that stuff long before these last days.
And! Mails from a person at, excel documents, folders and pamphlets, from my last “work-place”. And so on. How on earth can those items have landed in an archive on the drive, when others haven’t? Okay! Attachments are one thing, but mails?

Now, I think and hope, all such stuff is completely gone and never will show up again. And it feels really good to get rid of things from the past. Especially those which are connected to negative periods that I never will face again.

Letting go of the old, opening up to the new!

Scary expectations

After I had published the last blog post here about NaNoWriMo, I opened the site and logged in. Oh my goodness! It doesn’t look anything at all like the CampWriMo´s. I could neither make head nor tails out of it, and it rather scared me than pepped me to write.

… and this was just the beginning…

If I can’t even figure out how the site works, why should I bother to sign up? If something makes me unsure, how could that then be supportive? I guess I’ve better have my own NaNo-variety. Just write!

And as a matter of fact, if I can’t write without having a metaphorical crutch or two under my armpits, then what? I must anyhow sooner or later be self-dependent on my ability to keep on doing what I really want to do. Preferably sooner. And yes! I talk about writing.

It’s kind of like any medicament. You may have to rely on it for a while, to get you over the worst part of whatever it is. But then you have to take the responsibility yourself, for your own body and its health. Especially when you get nasty side effects. That tells you that your body doesn’t agree with those chemicals. Might have done so, at the beginning you even needed it! But not any longer! There are way better health-roads to travel.

You can walk the dog, you know. Even if you don’t have a dog…

Soon November

And in November! You know what happens then, don’t you? Yes! Time for NaNoWriMo!

I said to myself after my two Camp-WriMo this summer, that I for sure wouldn’t participate in the “real” WriMo in November. Too many words to reach for. 50 000. It was stressful enough to reach my self-set goal of 24 000 in April and 30 000 in July. So no, no! I wouldn’t even think of signing up for 50 000 in November.

Then, just the other day, I read a post written by a Swedish blog friend of mine. She had, she wrote, participated in NaNoWriMo for many years, and not even read afterwards what she had written. So this year she won’t do it. No words about NaNo was good or bad or anything, just: No, not this year. And I guess the fact that she recently has got a book published, has something to do with that as well. And not self-published! No! By a real publisher. And not a particularly small one either. Now there are one after the other of newspapers and tv-shows, that want to interview her.

I haven’t got any book published, and furthermore – I haven’t even worked on my novel for more than a month. Okay! I have a reason for it, but is that reason really acceptable?

Anyhow! When reading that blog post, my brain started working. What if I, despite my earlier decision, sign up for NaNo after all? If I, don’t bother whether I reach the goal of 50 000 words or not. If I, don’t aim for anything particular at all – aka, don’t have a possible novel in mind. If I, try not to have the pressure on me that I HAVE TO write every day. AND! If I write in my own language. Swedish. So much easier, that would be!

If I only try my best to write every day and as much as possible, and see it more as an opportunity to get back to the habit of writing as my lifestyle! That would be quite nice, wouldn’t it? And if I with that approach actually do reach the goal and become a winner… WOW!!!

Then I would dance a Ninja dance – or something.

And what if I have become that slim as well at the end of November? Then the WOW raizes times ten. Or more. Though I can’t be that young as well…

A quite different kind of Writer’s Block

I called my Mac-friend yesterday evening, about the weirdness with my MacBook. Neither Safari nor Firefox worked properly. All tabs and bookmarks went missing. Finder windows didn’t open, or closed when I opened something else. When I wanted to move a folder or a file, it created a copy instead. And when trying to open something on WP, it downloaded that one instead. Really weird. And when I restarted the Mac, it didn’t help one bit.

My friend told me to restart it anyway, but as soon as the sound began I should press the Shift-button and keep it pressed down until finished. Then I could open my files and start working again. Well, I did as he said and at first, it seemed to be all right. But just a couple of minutes later – the Mac acted just the same. Did I do anything the wrong way? I don’t know. But I restarted once more, being very thorough to press down the shift-button immediately, and than open my files and browsers directly afterwards.

This time it seemed to work, and so far everything seems to be just fine. He had said it probably was bla-bla that had locked itself, and don’t ask me what this bla-bla-word was that he mentioned. I forgot it less than a second after he had told me, and I wouldn’t have known what it actually was anyway.

A quite different kind of Writer’s block.

Wondering, though, what might have caused this. I had put in a USB-stick in an attempt to find empty space to keep a bunch of folders. But the stick was not new, I had used that on my Mac before and never found anything weird about it. Except now, when I found loads of stuff that was duplicates to stuff I still have on the Mac. Odd though, that I had to confirm that I was allowed to delete a lot of files. Have I really put one of those protecting shields on them? And was in fact the stick to blame for the odd behavior? Or was it just a mere coincidence?

Today all seem to be fine, but I ponder whether I should dare myself to put in the USB stick again. Not now, anyway, but maybe tomorrow! Just to see what happens. Though it wasn’t particularly fun to start all over making all those preference choices again, from the beginning, both on Safari and Firefox. And the beautiful theme I had on Firefox was completely gone. 😦

 

Messed up!

My MacBookPro is weird like… I don’t know. Trying to send this just to let you know. This time it’s the computer, not me being lazy or something. Firefox is awkward, Safari is awkward, the finder is awkward – everything is awkward as it seems! I can’t even scroll…

Hope this will be posted…

 

Trying to catch up

I have begun getting bored. Finally.

What happened this last week (+ I don’t know how many days), was that I got side effects from one of the medicaments that were supposed to lower my blood pressure. Quite severe ones, and everyone I could get, I think, except for nausea. I won’t bore you by adding a list of them.

I took my last pill of that sort this Wednesday, and I still can sense those “klick-klicks” from inside my chest when my heart goes nuts and the tiredness that still lingers around the blurriness. Though, at least not as severe as at the beginning of the week,

Sitting here now in my sofa (in, not just on) I finally have begun getting bored! That’s a good sign. Tomorrow I’ll probably feel fine again. As I did one week after coming home from the hospital. The TIA was gone, and I was free. I could walk freely.

And then this medicine accumulated in my body…

Now, when pondering whether to write about this or not, I realized one thing. It feels to me as if I have been home again for ages! Or at least six to eight weeks. I haven’t.

I arrived at the hospital by ambulance on Friday, Sept 6th, and came home again Tuesday, Sept 10th. That’s more like four weeks since the TIA happened, and less than that, since I got home again.

Funny, how one can experience time.

Nevertheless, now in the evening when the side effects slowly are running away from me, I’m instead getting bored. I miss writing. I am tired of not having had the energy to take care of my novel in being for several weeks. I am longing to write again. As well as making longer walks, longer bike-tours, seeing more people, attend to more events…

I guess the change is occurring now. My change to the new, healthier, better life. And as a small P.S. – I have now lost 2 pounds, 5,2 kilograms… and continuing…