Posted in Camp WriMo, Health, Writing

Scary expectations

After I had published the last blog post here about NaNoWriMo, I opened the site and logged in. Oh my goodness! It doesn’t look anything at all like the CampWriMo´s. I could neither make head nor tails out of it, and it rather scared me than pepped me to write.

… and this was just the beginning…

If I can’t even figure out how the site works, why should I bother to sign up? If something makes me unsure, how could that then be supportive? I guess I’ve better have my own NaNo-variety. Just write!

And as a matter of fact, if I can’t write without having a metaphorical crutch or two under my armpits, then what? I must anyhow sooner or later be self-dependent on my ability to keep on doing what I really want to do. Preferably sooner. And yes! I talk about writing.

It’s kind of like any medicament. You may have to rely on it for a while, to get you over the worst part of whatever it is. But then you have to take the responsibility yourself, for your own body and its health. Especially when you get nasty side effects. That tells you that your body doesn’t agree with those chemicals. Might have done so, at the beginning you even needed it! But not any longer! There are way better health-roads to travel.

You can walk the dog, you know. Even if you don’t have a dog…
Posted in Camp WriMo, NaNoWriMo, Writing

Soon November

And in November! You know what happens then, don’t you? Yes! Time for NaNoWriMo!

I said to myself after my two Camp-WriMo this summer, that I for sure wouldn’t participate in the “real” WriMo in November. Too many words to reach for. 50 000. It was stressful enough to reach my self-set goal of 24 000 in April and 30 000 in July. So no, no! I wouldn’t even think of signing up for 50 000 in November.

Then, just the other day, I read a post written by a Swedish blog friend of mine. She had, she wrote, participated in NaNoWriMo for many years, and not even read afterwards what she had written. So this year she won’t do it. No words about NaNo was good or bad or anything, just: No, not this year. And I guess the fact that she recently has got a book published, has something to do with that as well. And not self-published! No! By a real publisher. And not a particularly small one either. Now there are one after the other of newspapers and tv-shows, that want to interview her.

I haven’t got any book published, and furthermore – I haven’t even worked on my novel for more than a month. Okay! I have a reason for it, but is that reason really acceptable?

Anyhow! When reading that blog post, my brain started working. What if I, despite my earlier decision, sign up for NaNo after all? If I, don’t bother whether I reach the goal of 50 000 words or not. If I, don’t aim for anything particular at all – aka, don’t have a possible novel in mind. If I, try not to have the pressure on me that I HAVE TO write every day. AND! If I write in my own language. Swedish. So much easier, that would be!

If I only try my best to write every day and as much as possible, and see it more as an opportunity to get back to the habit of writing as my lifestyle! That would be quite nice, wouldn’t it? And if I with that approach actually do reach the goal and become a winner… WOW!!!

Then I would dance a Ninja dance – or something.

And what if I have become that slim as well at the end of November? Then the WOW raizes times ten. Or more. Though I can’t be that young as well…

Posted in Camp WriMo, Writing

Is this how it is?

After finishing CampWriMo I gave myself two days off from writing. That was a week ago. And yes! You understand me right! I haven’t even opened my manuscript yet! Hardly written anything else either.

I knew it was a bit too high pressure on me, the number of words I had chosen and that I HAD TO DO IT. But I managed! I wrote! I got scenes to the story. And won! Of course, I am proud I reached my goal and finished as a winner, but even more – I also learned about myself as a writer. My way of doing it and that is awesome!

To have a daily goal of 1000 words or more, made me realize it was not until that point it started to flow. When I had reached “the must”, I relaxed and then good parts came. The story. I don’t say everything I wrote in those 1000 words was lousy, but I guess a lot has to be deleted or changed. A bit of wasted time? Well, don’t know… After all, I continued the story.

I knew something was wrong when I started to prolong the sentences with extra, unnecessary words, and splitting words that are normally compounded and so on – just to reach a higher amount of words in total.

So I guess my brain now needed more than two days off. It was the very same after CampWriMo in April. But I came back then, started to write again, and so I will now.

So how will I do it?
First of all! Getting used to daily writing again, but without having any pressure of how much – the amount will come later – and not get panic if something happens one or two days so that I’ll become unable to write. Like if my daughter and the kiddo come visiting again for a couple of days. I did freak out recently when they were here from Friday to Sunday. From not writing for two days…

I will go along a bit more slowly = work more thoughtfully! I might write very fast, I often do that, but when finished the scene or the chapter I have written, and before the next writing session, read the text through, make those “have-to-edit”s there are, and then go on writing the new.

I always used to work that way earlier, and for one thing – the entire text became better, less editing afterwards, AND I remembered the characters, the plot and what I have been writing earlier way better.
When I recently read this on-going story, there were so many parts I had forgotten about and what happened there! That did not feel good!

Conclusion!
Go back to my old routine way on how to do write.
Leave the pressure behind and go back to the joy!

And why not begin now? Not tomorrow! Not next weekend! Now! Today! There is a lot to edit! Presently circa 75 000 words…

Posted in Camp WriMo, Fantasy, The Solar Eclipse, Writing

Soon there

I didn’t make it today. Couldn’t write all of the nearly 1700 words that were left. Maybe I had if it hadn’t started burning on one of the balconies here.
Such an exciting life…

BUT! I wrote 955, and have now only 700 words remaining. And I know with what I will begin writing tomorrow!

I see that as very positive!

Posted in Camp WriMo, Fantasy, The Solar Eclipse, Writing

Oooops!

For two days I have been reading all that I have written for CampWriMo/July. AND edited! Not so much deleted anything, well, a little here and there, but instead added texts. Here and there.

I have moved a couple of scenes to other places, and also moved and changed within paragraphs and sentences. As a result of changing, deleting and adding, I have increased the number of words to 28345.

When I saw that, I changed back my goal to 30 000. And since I had felt a bit like I had let myself down when lowering it to 28 000, this felt good! After all! I have 4 days left for writing, and only 1655 words remaining – I will manage and then not have to feel like a quitter any longer.  I did, for a while you know, and I did not like the feeling of it.

I admit, that I do do do want to finish this Camp though. Even more now when I have been working with editing for two days. I will try to complete the goal tomorrow, so I then can focus only on thorough editing.

It is nice to see the story unfolding, and also more clearly see what I now have to focus on. When “vomiting” words, I lose contact with the text. I juggle things and do not remember what happens in the story, or what different characters do. At least that is my experience when it comes to writing. I prefer “my old way”.

But since I without a doubt do write from inspiration, always have, it is very exciting to see what happens, how the story folds out. Often, very often, things and events surprise me. Now I mainly wonder what will happen during the “end-battle”. 😀

You could say, it is almost like walking a tightrope – I never know what will happen, but still hang on up in the blue.

Posted in Camp WriMo, Fantasy, The Solar Eclipse, Writing

At the end of the day

A very pleasant feeling filled me this evening when I finished writing the scene that was due for today. Not having to invent something only to score more words. Just writing until the end of the scene – and then, nothing more.

Five hundred and twenty words – that’s all right.

Posted in Camp WriMo, Fantasy, The Solar Eclipse, Writing

I confess

I lowered my goal on CampWriMo yesterday. From 31 000 to 30 000, and then – later the same day – to 28 000. Why?

Not because I thought I wouldn’t make it. I would, per se. But because I added a lot of words just to reach the daily amount of words. I became more and more stressed to reach the goal, and my texts became more and more gibberish.

I noticed, I relaxed when getting closer to the goal, and after that, I could keep on writing for several hundred words more. But when I add unnecessary words just to fill the daily quota, something is wrong. I even wrote, “it is” instead of it’s, and “do not” instead of “don’t” (and other short forms like that) in dialogues, only because it would enhance the number of words in total.

Not that I didn’t manage to write good scenes as well! I did! I do! It amazes me that I find that kind of scenes within myself. (When writing without thinking.)  😉
But it is so superfluous to deliberately add words you know you will delete later when editing.

The way I write now, for the Camp, is very different from how I usually write. Now, I just vomit words, whether they are adequate or not. That’s partly why I get so surprised that it ALSO comes out a story, and really good scenes! The story is actually driven forward!
On the whole, writing in my ordinary way of doing it, is a slower, more thoughtful way of writing. A lot of inspiration on that way too, of course, but when doing some editing during the way, and always before writing new stuff, reading through what I wrote the day before – gives me a more consistent form of writing. Better quality from the beginning, simply spoken. Less to edit, delete and replace later.

I also usually remember much more of the characters and the story, when writing in my usual way. In the beginning, I did so also with this story, but the more I wrote, the more difficult it got to keep track of things.

Is it all bad to participate in CampWriMo then?

No! Of course not. On the contrary! And it is not only because I get a storyline I can build on later. To me, it is also to train myself to get back in the habit to write daily. And there, the question is: would it be possible to jump a day or two? To not write for a day or two?

I wish I could answer that with a clear “YES”, but I’m doubtful. At least, for the time being, I really should write every day. At least something. If only 200 words! 50!!!

It was more or less a hell to start writing again after those two days when my daughter was here with son and friend. It is possible, that without CampWriMo, the “pause” would have lasted much longer.

For me, I realize that the main cause of the down-scale of my “go”, was the number of words per day I had chosen. It’s not that I can’t write 1000 words or more in a day, but having a “must do” over my head of doing it, didn’t encourage me. It blocked me. After all, during April-Camp, one day I wrote more than 1600 words in less than an hour!
Oh! I will never say “I can’t”!

However! I didn’t want to quit CampWriMo altogether. That would be a personal failure, as I see it. But! Since I chose the parameters for myself, I could very well down-size. So I did. Though, I admit, there was/is a part of me that wanted/want to quit the camp, and instead, start working on the story. Edit. Delete all those empty unnecessary words, straighten up the story… and so on.

But I won’t! I have only 1 715 words left to write, and eight days for doing it. So, of course, I will make it! And probably write more words than those 1715! I just won’t have that same pressure on me!

Especially after a burnout, one really shouldn't add 
unnecessary pressure on oneself. 
What you can't do anything about, you can't do anything about. 
Just let it be.

What it would have looked like with still 31 000 words as the goal