Soon there

I didn’t make it today. Couldn’t write all of the nearly 1700 words that were left. Maybe I had if it hadn’t started burning on one of the balconies here.
Such an exciting life…

BUT! I wrote 955, and have now only 700 words remaining. And I know with what I will begin writing tomorrow!

I see that as very positive!

Oooops!

For two days I have been reading all that I have written for CampWriMo/July. AND edited! Not so much deleted anything, well, a little here and there, but instead added texts. Here and there.

I have moved a couple of scenes to other places, and also moved and changed within paragraphs and sentences. As a result of changing, deleting and adding, I have increased the number of words to 28345.

When I saw that, I changed back my goal to 30 000. And since I had felt a bit like I had let myself down when lowering it to 28 000, this felt good! After all! I have 4 days left for writing, and only 1655 words remaining – I will manage and then not have to feel like a quitter any longer.  I did, for a while you know, and I did not like the feeling of it.

I admit, that I do do do want to finish this Camp though. Even more now when I have been working with editing for two days. I will try to complete the goal tomorrow, so I then can focus only on thorough editing.

It is nice to see the story unfolding, and also more clearly see what I now have to focus on. When “vomiting” words, I lose contact with the text. I juggle things and do not remember what happens in the story, or what different characters do. At least that is my experience when it comes to writing. I prefer “my old way”.

But since I without a doubt do write from inspiration, always have, it is very exciting to see what happens, how the story folds out. Often, very often, things and events surprise me. Now I mainly wonder what will happen during the “end-battle”. 😀

You could say, it is almost like walking a tightrope – I never know what will happen, but still hang on up in the blue.

At the end of the day

A very pleasant feeling filled me this evening when I finished writing the scene that was due for today. Not having to invent something only to score more words. Just writing until the end of the scene – and then, nothing more.

Five hundred and twenty words – that’s all right.

I confess

I lowered my goal on CampWriMo yesterday. From 31 000 to 30 000, and then – later the same day – to 28 000. Why?

Not because I thought I wouldn’t make it. I would, per se. But because I added a lot of words just to reach the daily amount of words. I became more and more stressed to reach the goal, and my texts became more and more gibberish.

I noticed, I relaxed when getting closer to the goal, and after that, I could keep on writing for several hundred words more. But when I add unnecessary words just to fill the daily quota, something is wrong. I even wrote, “it is” instead of it’s, and “do not” instead of “don’t” (and other short forms like that) in dialogues, only because it would enhance the number of words in total.

Not that I didn’t manage to write good scenes as well! I did! I do! It amazes me that I find that kind of scenes within myself. (When writing without thinking.)  😉
But it is so superfluous to deliberately add words you know you will delete later when editing.

The way I write now, for the Camp, is very different from how I usually write. Now, I just vomit words, whether they are adequate or not. That’s partly why I get so surprised that it ALSO comes out a story, and really good scenes! The story is actually driven forward!
On the whole, writing in my ordinary way of doing it, is a slower, more thoughtful way of writing. A lot of inspiration on that way too, of course, but when doing some editing during the way, and always before writing new stuff, reading through what I wrote the day before – gives me a more consistent form of writing. Better quality from the beginning, simply spoken. Less to edit, delete and replace later.

I also usually remember much more of the characters and the story, when writing in my usual way. In the beginning, I did so also with this story, but the more I wrote, the more difficult it got to keep track of things.

Is it all bad to participate in CampWriMo then?

No! Of course not. On the contrary! And it is not only because I get a storyline I can build on later. To me, it is also to train myself to get back in the habit to write daily. And there, the question is: would it be possible to jump a day or two? To not write for a day or two?

I wish I could answer that with a clear “YES”, but I’m doubtful. At least, for the time being, I really should write every day. At least something. If only 200 words! 50!!!

It was more or less a hell to start writing again after those two days when my daughter was here with son and friend. It is possible, that without CampWriMo, the “pause” would have lasted much longer.

For me, I realize that the main cause of the down-scale of my “go”, was the number of words per day I had chosen. It’s not that I can’t write 1000 words or more in a day, but having a “must do” over my head of doing it, didn’t encourage me. It blocked me. After all, during April-Camp, one day I wrote more than 1600 words in less than an hour!
Oh! I will never say “I can’t”!

However! I didn’t want to quit CampWriMo altogether. That would be a personal failure, as I see it. But! Since I chose the parameters for myself, I could very well down-size. So I did. Though, I admit, there was/is a part of me that wanted/want to quit the camp, and instead, start working on the story. Edit. Delete all those empty unnecessary words, straighten up the story… and so on.

But I won’t! I have only 1 715 words left to write, and eight days for doing it. So, of course, I will make it! And probably write more words than those 1715! I just won’t have that same pressure on me!

Especially after a burnout, one really shouldn't add 
unnecessary pressure on oneself. 
What you can't do anything about, you can't do anything about. 
Just let it be.

What it would have looked like with still 31 000 words as the goal

A win-win?

So now my daughter and grandson, and her friend are gone. Two days passed quickly by but were very nice. Tiring as well, won’t deny that. Four people in a one-room-flat, also sleeping at nights, and I’m not used to having anyone else sleeping here.
But, of course, also a lot of joy having them here.

It was also tiring due to a lot of walking. Both Friday and Saturday. Visiting these “mansion-gardens-museums” and “Castle-gardens-museums”. Lots of that kind of stuff in this city and its surroundings. Nice, even thrilling – but tiring. Lots of footsteps.

I was lucky it was cloudy and rainy the entire Sunday. I didn’t need to be tempted to go out for a walk or a biking tour. So after they had left after breakfast, the rest of the day I acted as a couch potato only. Including taking a nap. Watched a lot of “Lucifer” on Netflix – and tried to write. Didn’t go well at all… dry as the driest desert…

Two days without any writing at all, Friday and Saturday, that is not good. Oh no! Especially not during a CampWriMo month. The writing-brain kind of cramped on Sunday. So not many words were written. Nope! But yesterday I managed to catch up at least reasonably well to my goal. I’m not behind, anyway. But it was quite lousy written, and I have my thoughts about these kinds of quests. For me, that is.

It’s so bad, that it is good! I mean! If you don’t try to do something new, or in a new way, you won’t know the best way for you to do this whatever it is. Every experience teaches something.

This CampWriMo is good in many ways, I will never regret pushing me through it. But I won’t participate in NaNoWriMo in November. That I know for certain, so don’t even try to tempt me.

Here and now, I have nine days left, including today, to fulfil what I have put on myself thanks to CampWriMo. And I will do it. I can do it!!! And I have learnt a lot about me as a writer, the way to write that functions the best for me.

Will tell you more about that at another time. When I have reached my goal of 31 000 words, perhaps!
(Now – 24 660)

Pause

No writing today.
Hardly.
These are the only words
Today!

My daughter is here, her 5-year old kiddo and a friend of hers.
They are going to sleep over. Two nights, maybe three.
We are all acting like tourists.
In my city.
I LOVE IT!

But who can write then!

Though,  I must write at least something tomorrow…
I miss my characters and the writing hours already.

Wanting to do two different tasks at the same time – what a crash-point!

Victory!

I did write a piece to CampWriMo today after all! 1003 words!

 

 

 

 

Today, July 17th – In total: 20 595

 

Time to do something

I really should begin writing today’s scenes in my manuscript.
Now!
But I really do not want to do so…

Am I stupid if I skip that writing for one day?
Probably.

Or not.

I have had one of these so-called eye migraines today, and also headache. Don’t usually have headaches just that odd eye thing, and I usually don’t get it three times in less than a week.

Stressed or too much computer work?
Or relieved of stress?

I had a friend who used to get that ordinary kind of migraine, and got them almost always when he had a couple of days off, or at the beginning of a vacation. I’ve heard that from others as well. When the stress leaves, the migraine comes.

There is one thing I have been very stressed over lately. The car I use to drive my grandson with. For one thing, it sometimes refuses to start. Like when I was supposed to go home from visiting my youngest daughter who lives 140 kilometres away. The car was dead, and we had to tow it to the car mechanic.

Like a week or so later, it was dead again when my daughter should have it. To our ordinary mechanic then, but neither of them found anything that seemed to be wrong! The first one put in new spark plugs, they took me home that time, but then…?

What also has begun to happen, is that the engine is about to get overheated. That too began on my way to the youngest daughter. I had to stop and add water, all that I had available, to get me to her. No faults could be detected by the mechanic but on my way home… twice I stood there beside the highway, waiting for the engine to cool down enough. Well, the second time I was at a smaller road, but still! It was horrible!
At least I had brought lots of water with me that time.

After my daughter’s mishap, the car stood at our mechanic for about a week or so. He checked everything really thoroughly, and couldn’t find anything wrong! As far as he could detect, there was no leakage nor anything!

So I drove the borrowed car over there last Thursday, switched cars, everything should be just fine, and drove back. Parked the car at my daughters overnight, and biked over there the next morning to get the car and the grandson.

Friday. I drove him and then back to my home, 30 + 30 kilometres. It went well. Then the car was parked on my p-place until the afternoon when I was due to go get him. It was a warm day, the car was really warm when I was about to leave, and was also a little bit hard to start. But did so relatively soon enough.

Drove those 30 kilometres. Waited for a while for the grandson, and then we headed back home.

So… Guess what happened now!
Yes! When approximately 4-5 kilometres left, I see that red warning lamp for the cooler shining!!!

Jeeeeeeeezzz!!!! Can’t stop right there… not far to go… have ice in the stomach???

I prayed and drove. Swallowed. Prayed. And soon enough I drove in beside the house, into the shadow, and turned off the engine.

It squeaked!!!

It must have been close to being overheated. I just opened the bonnet and let it stay that way for a while until it had cooled down a bit. Then I biked home to my place and refused to even think about the car.

Since then I haven’t been driving it. The grandson is having three weeks off now, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t want to drive that car any more! It freaks me out! Yes! That car has lately, more and more, get me afraid of driving it!

Okay! I won’t die if the engine won’t start. It might be inconveniently, but not dangerous. And if I take the small road home and have lots of water with me, it’s doable to drive it to and fro that other city.

But I don’t want to do this any longer!!!
I want my grandson to get his drivers license NOW!!!

And I’m also anxious about that eye-thing… (posterior vitreous detachment)
It’s really difficult to let that go and relax.
Despite it was just a minor incident…

About writing

Blogging once a week!? Is that it? At present – it seems so.
And please forgive me for not visiting and liking.
I wasn’t particularly good at commenting even before,
but please forgive me for not doing that either.

Participating in Camp-NaNoWriMo takes its effort. Both in time and energy. Several hours every day, I struggle to reach the daily goal of one thousand word – or more. And I’m doing well!

At first, it seems that I have nothing at all to write about. What are they doing, the characters? What is happening.! But finally I manage to type the first sentence, then I struggle through the first couple of hundreds of words, but then! When reached about 900 to 1000  words, it’s suddenly much easier to continue even 400, 500 or 600 words more!

So I’m writing, all right, and proud of that. Now, during the first 13 days of the July-Camp – today’s score is yet to achieve – I have written 16 479 words! That is  53,2 % of my goal in 42 % of the time!

It’s not particularly well written though. Can’t say that. But I push the characters to where they are supposed to be, I reveal to the (presumed) reader of who they are and why they are there, and I reveal to myself, what I need to write more.

BUT Remember, Thea!

This is only the very first draft! It doesn’t have to be well written! Now, I’m telling the story to myself! That’s about it!
But I dread of the time when I’ll have to put these paragraphs, scenes and chapters together, edit the entire thing, and make an enjoyable story of it.

I do hope I’ll get the language right. My linguistic and verbal skills in my native language, Swedish, is really good. I was about to use the word exquisite here… and that first intuitive choice of word… Yes! So it is!

My linguistic and verbal skills in English though, are good, but certainly not exquisite. I really have to find a way to pay my friend Elaine to help me with that. She’s originally from Manchester, England, and has been teaching English and French for many years.

Isn’t it quite amazing that I suddenly, since early this spring, have been acquainted with such a lovely women? She is lovely! I really like her, and we so easily talk to each other! She also sounded quite excited when I before the summer, gently asked her about proofreading my manuscript!

I experience, that I after this Camp-thing should need to still have some pressure on me to keep on writing every day. But maybe have one day a week free from writing? Sometimes it feels like I need that.
Or? Would it be better to lower the amounts of words I have to write each day? After all! Now, when I have reached the daily goal, there is a huge feeling of relief, and it gets so much easier to continue writing beyond the daily goal.

Or would it be better to keep on with 1000 words a day, every day, and figure I’ll be totally used to that so I kind of “have to write” like an inner urge, not due to demand from something outside of me?

I love to write! I always have! So I guess it’s just a bit hard to maintain total obsession again after that burnout I lived with for many years. It takes time to heal. Longer than you think and want.

It’s often said it takes 21 days to create a new habit, but I guess, it rather takes a little bit more than that. And I also think it’s dangerously easy to slip out of that habit, if you take a day or two off, too early in the new habit.

So, maybe is the ultimate to be writing every day, but lessen a bit on the demand of 1000 words or more? Perhaps 500 as a minimum? 750?

Let’s see how this all feels in a couple of weeks.

Sofa weekend

Some days you feel, you have to do nothing. Or at least, as close to nothing as possible. This weekend is just that kind of days.

Yesterday, Saturday, was literally a sofa day. I did have help from the weather to do that. It was awful. The rain was pouring down bucket-wise, and it was horribly blowing!

I was grateful for the rain and the almost-storm.
I have been tired lately.
Feels good to close into oneself.

Okay! I did fix food for myself a couple of times, and I did the dishes. Other than that I took a nap before lunch. Had slept too little the night before, I listened to books for a couple of hours, and was watching a marathon of the 6 last episodes of “Terra Nova”.

I got really disappointed when I watched that a year or so ago (Or two years?) They only produced one season! Read somewhere it had been too expensive to produce… or something. 😦

 

I did write to the CampWriMo too, of course.
One thousand and four words.

 

Today is also a sofa-day, Though I did take a short bike ride after breakfast. Nine kilometres only.
Better than nothing.

Then I thought I would write a blog post. During this WriMo month, I don’t post as often as usual. The other writing takes up time.
And so it should.

Observe how inspired I am… hmm…
*cough, cough*

I’m still tired.
Long for the vacation starting next week.