On Monday, July 1, it begins!
I guess, before I get started, I should read all that I have written so far to this story. It’s only 34 092 words…
Better get started.
On Monday, July 1, it begins!
I guess, before I get started, I should read all that I have written so far to this story. It’s only 34 092 words…
Better get started.
July! The wonderful month of July!
And so there is Camp WriMo!
i o i o i o i o i o i o i o i o i o i o i
(Just a happy crying out loud)
I have already signed up. Have set a goal for 31000 words. I managed to increase the words in April, from 15000 to 24000 and yet finished a couple of days early. So now I’ll start with 1000 words per day on average, and might maybe be able overachieving that setting.
I plan to continue to write on “The Solar Eclipse”, and since I also am about to integrate “The Mechanical Man” in that story, I gather I might have a decent chance to get a full Fantasy novel out of this.
Well! I have to write more than these 31000 words though. Of course!
For the time being, I have a total of 34100 words. With the upcoming 31000 it will only be 65100. Need a bit more to get a good Fantasy story.
I just have to have a nice dragon in there as well, you know. A magic dragon!
Anyhow! I really look forward to July 1, and the challenge. Just the bare thought of it, makes me feel a heavenly thrill of anticipation in me
Concerning the Eclipse and the mechanical man, please do pay attention to the menu. You’ll find a couple of excerpts from The Eclipse under “Short stories”. The Mechanical Man – you also find from the menu, all nine parts.
I was about to get a bit worried! I haven’t written anything that could be called literary, for more than two weeks! After all, writing went very well during March… very well during April with both CampWriMo and Mini-NaNoWriMo, and also very well during May with Diana’s speculative writing prompt and all I wrote about Andrew Millbourne in “The Mechanical man”. So what happened? I refuse to even think I’ve gone back into the darkness of a Burn Out.
Okay! A bit of rest was probably what I needed. I had really earned a short vacation. But for two weeks!!! Then, just a couple of days ago, an answer to the question “Why” revealed itself. There was something else I needed to write.
A year ago my dead mother visited me. Not literally. I didn’t see a ghost or something. But I started to think more about her, and then wrote down as much as I could of my memories about her and my childhood. The psychological abuse I experienced.
That led to a conclusion, an understanding, questions were being answered and so on, and a totally new approach to her began to grow in my heart. And finally, a closing, and leaving the past behind me for good. That past…
Now it’s time for my former husband, the father of my three daughters, to be considered. If I compare mom to him (which actually isn’t doable) she was even at her worst, still the most glorious angel with just a little dirt on the lower hem on her skirt.
He, was like the devil himself; with a pair of curved horns, a two-edged tongue, burning eyes and all the other equipment.
When I met him again at the family gathering last Thursday, I noticed I felt different from how I used to. More detached, in a good way. Tougher. More self-aware. Cool.
He, as usual, tried to talk about his illnesses. He also asked me about the arthrosis. Were I in pain?
“Yes,” I said a bit cold. “I have pain in my hands, my feet, in practically every joint in my body.” I didn’t complain, though. Just served him the facts and didn’t throw him the ball back to continue that conversation.
A bit later, though, he said: “You look more brisk and healthful than the last time we met.”
Last time was Christmas.
“I am brisk and healthful” I answered and knew I wasn’t lying. In fact, I surprised myself by saying “I am” instead of “I feel”. There is way more power in “I am”… And it’s the truth! I may still have pain in my hands, especially the thumbs, but overall, I feel fine. I feel really great!!!
He must have grasped that I wasn’t interested in talking about illnesses. I am so tired of people who always talk about their illnesses. And I most certainly don’t want to talk about my illness either. The pain and stiffness in my body isn’t an illness anyhow. It is just a temporary condition due to certain things and events, due to stress.
The biggest cause of this long-lasted stress is actually my former husband! What my mom did, was nothing compared to what he did to me. Maybe, but I only say “maybe”, that her treatment made it more easy for him to get power over me. I was naive, gullible and believed everyone to be good. I couldn’t say “no”, and I never got angry. Goodness knows, I really should have said NO NO NO to him from the very first time I saw him. Especially since I was only sixteen…
He destroyed my life!
Almost. He could have – but I am still alive and not insane.
On the other hand! I wouldn’t have had my three daughters then! Probably no children at all. And since I believe everything happens for a reason, this marriage was obviously meant to be.
What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, the saying goes.
So I guess I’m really strong now.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
That Thursday evening, after our family gathering, memories about him and our life together came into my mind.
I opened a document I had written about him several years earlier, remembered more as I sat there reading – and suddenly I was filled with an immense amount of rage and hate. Tears came in my eyes and I just hated him, hated him, hated him for everything he had done.
For how he had treated me, my children, his parents, and…
Only God knows who else!
While feeling this, suddenly my back cramped all the way from the hips up around the head. It felt weird and very unpleasant. (Has happened earlier so it didn’t frighten me.) How more obvious can it be? Can the body say it more clearly? This pain and stiffness, and the anxiety I lived with for many years as well, are caused by the psychologically and mentally abuse I lived under for all those years with him, and even after the divorce.
Oh, he did hit me a couple of times too, but that physical pain was nothing compared to…
This charming, well-behaved, knowledgeable BASTARD!
You are not worthy of being called a man!
A couple of days later, I again opened that file, copied it, and started to work with it as a draft. Reading, adding comments, and writing notes about what to write more.
So, that’s why I couldn’t keep on writing about Andrew Millbourne, Jaycee, Kaila, Bill, Theyou, The Long-Legged Man and the other.
I had some other writing to do first.
And that, I do, these days.
Getting my colours back.
For ten days, I haven’t been writing anything that could be labelled fiction. It’s a pity – but not horrible. But if this not-writing will continue longer, it will be horrible. I had hoped for more, when I finally began writing again.
Though, I’m not mad about myself. What good would that do? On the contrary. I would only feel miserable. I understand, and accept this hiatus since I know the reason why, and also know I soon will be writing again.
After been suffering from that burn-out for many years, without being able to neither read, write, nor listen to music (and more), it’s brilliant I have begun writing again at all! So what if I yet haven’t got the every-day-writing as a firm habit?
In a little less than two months, 56 days in April and May, I have written 34 100 words! Not counting blog posts!
So what if I have 10 days off?
I had hoped for Diana’s writing prompt for June, though. But due to personal matters she couldn’t do that this month. I understand, and look forward to July.
I also look forward to July months edition of Camp-NaNoWriMo. I obviously need a bit of pressure on myself to continue to write every day. Until I am self-going again, anyway.
And I will be. Self-going. Soon.
It has been a couple of dull days. Weather-wise that is. Been cold and very windy. Today the rain is pouring down and the wind is dancing rock’n’roll with the trees. or at least rumba or something. Also pretty cold. To be at the end of May. But the weather forecast says it will be sunny in the afternoon. Hope so. Wouldn’t mind a biking tour after lunch.
I have been writing today though. Thought I would go back and work on “The Solar Eclipse”. Instead, Andrew showed up again; after landing in the middle of the desert on that hot, sunny planet. And Kaila disappeared. Where to? How? Did she vanish straight out into thin air? Well, I know. But I won’t tell. I have planned to integrate Andrew Millbourne in that story anyway, so maybe I was working on the Eclipse after all. 😀
Friday my best friend was here. He helped me with what was left of that computer-desk-work. I.E. the Two-factor- something. (Whatever it is called.) Apple security matters anyhow. I just got extremely nervous when I tried to do that myself some time ago. He also made sure everything is connected as it should be.
It was really nice having him here for a couple of hours catching up. Eating, chatting, laughing, having coffee an so on. We have seen each other briefly, but he hasn’t been here in this flat since I moved in half a year ago. Nowadays we live too far away from each other. 120 kilometres instead of 40 as we used to have + we worked in the same city, and even at the same workplace for a couple of years. We do keep in touch though. Always.
And since he is the only one I really trust when it comes to my Apple devices. MacBook, iPad, iPhone… So… nothing will be done with them unless he does it. I don’t even trust myself meddling with the technique matters. But I DID change my AppleID and the password. And deleted the google/gmail – account. All by myself. Now he is going to buy a new battery for my MacBook. It’s high time for that… It’s 6,5 years old, has been in the Mac since the beginning…
When using the devices, though – I’m completely confident.
And now I want lunch.
Doctor Fredriksen, who the entire time had been very understanding and kind, had popped into the recovery room for a chat when Andrew had awoken and began to feel like himself again.
”How do you feel, my friend?”
”Quite all right, thank you.”
”Some. Have experienced worse.”
”I understand very well. You might still experience some pain now and then, but it should fade away. And I doubt it ever will be as severe as you have had up til now.”
The doctor made a pause and smiled. Looked closely at Andrews’ face and then glanced at his chest and arm.
”Looking good! I could see from the scars after the abscesses, that you really must have suffered.”
Then he leaned forward, gently put his hand on Andrews left arm, and said in a low voice.
”I’m really glad you made this decision to go through a removal. Sometimes these fads stay too long and take on way too large importance. In this case, I would say it has become an evil obsession. Now, dear Andrew, please take good care of yourself and don’t ever mind what others may have to say. You will have a wonderful and exciting future.”
Then he had risen and left Andrew with a slight bow followed with a smile. Andrew got a tear in his eye due to the kindness he had been shown.
Shortly afterwards the robot came in with a cup of coffee and a couple of sandwiches. He told him an uber would fetch him in an hour. Andrew thanked the robot for everything and realized he was hungry.
Of course, it was the same driver. Always the same.
”Oh, good day to you sir! No goldy-plates any longer? Going home?”
”Yes, please. To home sweet home.”
”Still no virus here.”
”Healthy as a newborn baby.”
”Okay. That sounds good.” Andrew had no idea what the driver was talking about.
”Yes! Good goody good good go…”
Then a faint squeak… and the uber stopped against a light pole. Shaken, but not damaged, Andrew stared at the driver. He just sat behind the wheel with a stiff smile and dead eyes.
Andrew walked the rest of the way home. Then, sitting in his favourite corner of the sofa he poured himself a stiff whiskey. And then another.
Andrew Millbourne had recovered fast after the surgery. Though he still had some of the implants left, most of them had been successfully removed. He had been told that the remaining pieces had been too dangerous to remove since they were too integrated with his nervous system. There was a couple of nobs on his chest, which were connected to his pneumonic capacity, how well the blood could retain oxygen, and therefore increase his endurance and speed while running, climbing and performing other physical activities.
He had also a number of smaller nobs left on the fingers, the back of his hand and up along the forearm. They were mostly of technical nature like the thin bracelet around his wrist with which he easily could connect to the web and thus send voice mails and also use as a telephone. The tiny dots on the fingers were antennas, and together with his small hand-unit, these devices could also be used as GPS and as an ordinary compass.
During the years that followed he worked hard and improved both his skills and his knowledge of various topics. He had already known for quite some time, that he was no mere than tolerated on Technos. After the surgery, it had become even worse. He was still appreciated for his accomplishments at work, and there were still some he considered to be friends. Even though they seemed to be a bit more reserved towards him than before.
He still occasionally visited a pub or a cinema, and he still once in a while picked up some girl who then managed to get close up to him, but as soon as she saw his scar-covered chest and arm with hardly any implants, she would run away as quick as a weasel. Either in disgust or in mere disappointment. Girls had heard so much about his golden ribcage and marvelous arm. Some felt sorry for him and tried to pamper him in a way as if he would have been disabled, but those girls he sent away immediately. He realized more and more they hanged out with him of curiosity only, not because they were attracted to him.
Instead, he buried himself in hard work. He buried himself in studies. ’No one can ever learn too much’, was his motto. He buried himself in health activities. He ran the five-miles track in the woods every morning, went to the gym four times a week and swam for at least half an hour afterwards. And every evening he did yoga, ending it with meditation.
After the surgery, he had noticed his body did not want meat anymore. The mere look upon a piece of rare steak, made him queasy. It was impossible to explain why, he just could not eat it.
There were other things he also began noticing after the surgery. He wondered whether the doctor had added something or if he had had them all the time but never noticed due to the pain and suffering.
All his senses had increased immensely. Not only eyesight. His hearing was at least ten times better than earlier, which also meant he heard things that were not meant for him, and also some he really did not want to hear. Smell and taste were more intense, and also the skin sensibility, especially his fingertips. He had no real words for what it all felt like, other than amazing, and sometimes annoying.
He personally went back to the clinic in order to meet Doctor Fredriksen and ask about this. When trying to book an appointment online, it was impossible. Doctor Fredriksen did not seem to exist. ’Aha,’ Andrew had thought. He was just an extra when needed, that would explain why he was not shown in the register.
There was another woman behind the counter this time. A young blond with very tasteful implants around her right eye and along the left side of the cheekbone.
”I’m so sorry. We don’t have a doctor Fredriksen here. We have never had!”
”An elderly man who helps out with surgery when needed?”
”No. If we have had such a person, it would have been really helpful, but unfortunately, we haven’t.”
”No, I’m so sorry.”
”But he quite recently took away my implants.”
”Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope you can have new ones soon.”
”But the doctor…”
”You must be mistaken. We have no doctor Fredriksen here. Goodbye, sir, and welcome back to get new implants when those scars are healed.”
Then she turned to the next person in line and Andrew walked away.
Andrew Millbourne is a stoic person. He endures. He calmly awaits the day when he can step out from this world. Ten years, he signed up for, in a contract that could not be broken, and slowly those years pass, until the day he finally is entering the space station after leaving everything behind. His work, his belongings, his life on the planet Technos.
On his way through the space station towards the ticket counter, he suddenly sees someone he recognizes with warmth. Doctor Fredriksen who he hadn’t seen since the surgery more than eight years earlier. But in a jiffy, the doctor is gone, and Andrew thinks he must have been mistaken. Was probably only a look alike. The short appearance awakes memories though.
The doctor had said something about him going to have an interesting and exciting life. So far, he has had neither, but what if? He has no idea what he is going to do for the rest of his life. Going back to his parents is not exactly thrilling, but he does not know what else to do. At least as a first landing place, saying hello, and such.
He had earlier bought a ticket online to one of the new Super Jet Cruisers, that would only take him a week of travel. He was just going to sign in for the flight when he suddenly senses that someone is watching him. He tries to pretend like nothing and keeps on walking towards the ticket counter. He gets a bit uneasy, though, and stumbles slightly.
”Can I help you?” a soft female voice says.
He turns around and sees the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen.
Long afterwards, when walking through the hot desert, thinking of this, he can’t clearly say what happened that day. Vaguely he remember they talked, they had coffee at the cafeteria, Toffee-tasted with whipped cream, and then she had taken him with her. But what he does remember very clearly, is what happened on their way out to her space ship.
With the coffee warming his belly, her heavy perfume making him slightly dizzy, and the excitement over not having to meet his parents again – Andrew suddenly sees the doctor. This time he is sure.
The Doctor is leaning against a safari car some 15-20 meters away. He is smiling and gives Andrew a thumbs up. Then he takes his cowboy hat off, sweeps it in a large circle while he bows deeply. Then another thumbs up, another big smile – and then he is gone. Vanished as if he had become thin air!
Andrew reaches the water bottle to Kaila. They have just landed and a vast, arid, hot desert stretches out in front of them. Far away three dots are moving towards them and he can hear a faint mumble, silent talk and then a peal of laughter.
”Who are they?” he asks and turns to Kaila. But she isn’t there any longer. Both she and her space ship are gone. Behind where the space ship stood, he now can see – far away – a city that seems to be very dark, like under a huge storm cloud or a total Solar Eclipse – or both. In the background he can spot a very high dark tower.
There is something very odd and very familiar about this, and he shivers as if suddenly cold tears run down his spine.
The parts in order, can also be found in the menu.
It has taken me several days to write the last part of “The Mechanical Man”. I kind of struggled. Wrote about 450 words, like I was dragging Winnie the Pooh out from his home after he had eaten too much honey.
I knew something was wrong, but what?
Yesterday morning, finally, while eating breakfast I pondered what and why and how, and there it came! I had not awaited my inner spirit but instead tried to write from my head only. Now, I got the hints I needed, the smile finally reached me and I began writing.
The result wasn’t particularly good. The voice inside me then reminded me of a couple of things I had forgotten. Kept on writing – and ended up with 1766 words.
Satisfying, but still not good enough. Too clumsy. Brain-tired though – and I had other tasks to perform in the afternoon anyway – so no more writing yesterday.
Today! What should I do with the text? Nothing wrong – per se. But still! Something was wrong! At lunch, it finally began to loosen up. I moved the entire first paragraph, which was rather long, to a totally different place. Scrambled it, and deleted a couple of sentences.
That made a HUGE difference!
Then the normal editing routine. Deleting unnecessary words. Killing a couple of darlings. Actually adding a couple of words here and there. Deleting more unnecessary words. You know…
The odd thing was, when finished had this editing I still had 1710 words! Must have added more than I thought I did. But now I felt satisfied without a lot of doubts.
In my next post, I’ll publish part number 9 of this story. “The Mechanical Man”. Think I’ll keep the work-title. “If the end isn’t good, it isn’t the end”!
It will also be found in the Menu, together with all the other parts.
Later on, of course, I have to more thoroughly go through all parts as a whole story. But before I begin that desk work, I have a lot of other writings to do.