I must say!

I really love my life now. All that I wanted and longed for when I moved back to my hometown, seems to fold itself out now, little by little. I actually have the TIA, the mini-stroke, to thank for that.
Now I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want it, no matter whether it’s about meeting people or sitting home alone watching movies, reading or writing. Or, for that matter, taking a nap after lunch.

I participate in many of the library’s activities, and some of the church’s. I have reconnected to old friends, and have gained many new ones. Many of them are living in this neighborhood. Which is a very good neighborhood. And by that I don’t mean particularly posh, snobbish et cetera, I mean there lives a lot of lovely, kind, and friendly people here. It’s easy to blend in, easy to talk to people, everyone says or at least nods a ”Hello!”, and not only the ones living in the same building as I do.
So I feel very comfortable here. There are places to go to, things to do, and there is also the privacy of my own home. Which I feel very comfortable living in.

If, and when I want, I can easily bike downtown, to the beach in the summer, to one of the many parks I can chose between, or to the huge shopping mall and Ikea east of the city, only 5 kilometers from where I live. All around the city, there are many possibilities to take bike-rides. Along the almost never-ending seashore perhaps, or north- or eastwards through woods and fields. There are ”tourist-traps”, castles and such, but also plain, wonderful nature. Some areas quite deserted.

Okay! I am still a bit anxious and worrisome after the TIA, don’t want it to happen again. But it’s natural after such circumstances, and it will pass. I have also still quite stiff muscles, probably very much due to the worries, but that will also pass and soon I’ll only have a faint memory of what has been.

So I enjoy myself, I meet people, and I laugh a lot. And then there is the awesome part when I am home alone, reading, writing, watching some movie – and so on. I’m happy and content!

I wouldn’t mind someone special in my life, though, but I don’t need anyone to make me happy or make my life worthwhile. More like having an extra cherry on the cake! For sharing, laughing, hugging… for love!

But as I said, it has to be someone really special. To me special! Someone that suits me, and I him. For mutual benefits. Not anyone just for the sake of not being alone. I am much rather alone with myself, then being alone in a twosome.

It’s quite okay!

Got another badge today at NaNoWriMo. Came home late, and after something to eat, it was about 8.15 PM before I could start writing.

But after circa 2,5 hours, I had managed to write 2198 words – all tagged to Mz Eliza Elderberry. As such, I reached the number of 10.057 words in total. I know there are those who can write much more in a day, but for me, at this time in my life, I’m pleased. Very pleased!

Tomorrow I also have some things to do, places to be. The grocery in the morning to buy fruit and veggies. Having lunch with friends at noon, and in the evening – at 6 PM already – I have a “lecture” to attend to.

Well, it’s not literally a “lecture”. It’s a gathering where we inhabitants in this neighborhood and visitors, will get information about the renovating progress here. The city, and the biggest housing company that owns many houses with apartments here, are modernizing  this area, with new buildings both for living and business, and a lot of the older ones are already massively renovated or are about to be.

There will be questions about the center, the whereabouts of the library (not the least), and what new stores and businesses that might establish. Already quite high buildings have been or are shooting up to the heavens, with 12-14 stories each, or more – most of the old ones are only three stories high.

I live in one of the newly built ones. It will be a year now in December since I moved in here. It’s quite awesome to move into something all new. All clean, clear and no scratches. 😀

So I tell myself already – happy writing tomorrow!

I think I’ll add this post to tomorrow’s count. It’s almost tomorrow anyway.

Gray Monday

Gray day, dull day. I went to the Gym sometime after breakfast, had in mind to bike a bit extra afterward, but it was too cold, too windy. Not fun at all.

Then nothing seemed to happen! I didn’t do much and the day went by! Okay! Sometimes you need a day like this, and tomorrow I have activities all afternoon. And I did write, despite the lazybones. Though it was a bit hard to begin with.

Now it seems to be raining as well. At least there is some occasional pitter-patter on the windows, but it is pitch black outside and I, sitting a bit away from the window with not yet drawn curtains, can’t see a thing out there.

Yes! Tomorrow! A short visit to the Second-Hand after lunch and before the Knitting-café. And later the Dream-circle. It sounds odd and wrong, written in English like that. Dream-circle. We are a couple of women who meet for a while, talking about dreams, life, philosophy, and whatever topic arises. It will be the last time tomorrow, the eighth time me meet, and I will miss it when it’s over. Hopefully, there will be another gathering like this during the spring semester.

Then I’ll have to write only in the evening tomorrow. Wonder if I’ll reach 1.667 words then.  But! Let’s go for it! 1.667 it is!!! Tomorrow!

Today I only reached 1.714 words, but that’s enough. It’s quite alright. It has been a gray, dull day.

This is what I wrote yesterday

The part labeled “Mz Eliza Elderberry” that is. I wrote some other stuff for the NaNo as well, and all are counted for.  Can’t help wondering what Elaine would have said about my style and Grammar, and about the characters that pop up here.  HAHA!  😀 😀 😀

The first sentence popped into my head a couple of days ago, and I wrote it down so that I wouldn’t forget. The rest, my Muse (Albert. Remember?) inspired me to write, around lunchtime.

It is un-edited, except for the fact I hastily pushed it through Grammarly, the free version, so there might still be mistakes. Grammar-ish, or otherwise. But I don’t care. Not now anyway. Have to write something more this afternoon to continue the story. Where is Mz Eliza, and what will happen to her?

I? I haven’t the slightest clue. Not yet!
– And you? Have fun!

”I haven’t done much with my life,” Mz Eliza Elderberry said silently and looked rather devastated. Her cheeks flushed a little bit in the middle of the whiteness, her back was crumbled and she had bowed so deeply with her head, that the only thing she could see was the tip of her shoes. They needed a brush-up and some new black wax, she noticed.

She didn’t know the man standing in front of her now. The other one, had asked her what she had accomplished in life, and then suddenly he had to go home to attend to a sick child, and the one that was left to interview her, didn’t seem to be able to utter a word. After a time that felt like ages, he coughed and then cleared his throat.
”Hey… eh… Mz…?”
”Yes,” she whispered.
”Are you Mz Eliza Elderberry?”
”Good! Then I am where I am supposed to be.” The man uttered something that Eliza thought might have been tiny laughter, but sounded more like a mouse’s squeak.
”I am Melek,” he continued, ”and the temporary gatekeeper.
Eliza nodded but said nothing. She was busy twining a small lace handkerchief between her fingers. Due to sweat and tears it was quite moist, and now her hands started to tremble as well.

”Where am I?” She managed to say. ”I was on my way to…”
”Oh, you almost died. Didn’t they tell you? Didn’t you meet your family? Your near and dears? They were supposed to meet you when you came out of the tunnel. Family always does that.”
”I never had a family.”
Melek looked surprised at the elderly woman in front of him. She was still staring at her shoes, and he was glad she did. He had had some trouble appearing fashionably enough, and since he didn’t want to frighten her, he had hesitated to say anything. But now he was properly dressed in his best amethyst colored robe. The blue-purple silk with its golden stripes shimmered and sparkled like a million stars.

”Well!” He coughed again and cleared his throat. ”We managed to save you in the last second… oh! You don’t remember anything at all?”
Mz Eliza Elderberry shook her head in a big No. As far as she knew, she knew nothing. She felt more as if she was a blank sheet than anything else. A very awkward feeling, indeed. And yet, at the same time, she knew there had been something. She just couldn’t put her finger on what it was.

”Oh, my God! What do we do now?” Melek cried out. ”We can’t send her back since it is too late, and she doesn’t remember anything at all of what has happened. Help me out here, for goodness sake!”
”Hmm… ” a dark but strong voice echoed around them. Mz Eliza startled, took a couple of steps backward to prevent her from falling, and for the first time she lifted her head enough to look around. Then she startled once more and closed her eyes shut.
The surroundings had looked as if been made of clouds, and in front of her, she had spotted a purple-shimmering angel… an Angel???

She gently opened her eyes again and peeked hesitantly at the being in front of her. It had wings. Large white wings. And they trembled slightly. She wasn’t sure if it was a man or a woman, and in her bewildered state, she closed her eyes shut again. Even harder than before.

She heard her heart beating fiercely, and a question reached her mind. How could she hear her heart beating if she was dead? No, she corrected herself immediately. She wasn’t dead! She had only almost died. Rapidly thoughts flushed through her, trying to remember what she had done lately and why she now was here, standing before someone who had told her she almost died, but they had managed to save her at the last second. But what had he meant by ”too late”?
She managed to pull herself together, took a deep breath – so she could breathe as well, she noticed – and then she opened her eyes again.

The purple-shimmering angel was still standing in front of her, with his arms saintly crossed over his chest and a huge smile all over his face. His eyes were glittering. If it even was a male, Eliza reminded herself, it could very well be a female, as far as she understood.
Beside him stood now another being. He, or she, had no wings and only a plain, white robe draped around the body down to the dark brown sandals.
”Oh,” Eliza sighed and looked at the clouds surrounding her feet. ”How can I stand on a cloud?” A knot pushed hard into her stomach, and for a brief moment, she was a bit lightheaded.

”There is no need to be afraid”, Melek said in a comforting voice. ”You are safe here. We just have to decide where to send you. God says we can’t send you back to where you were since your body is already burned and buried.”
The white one without wings bowed and smiled.
”And you can’t come in here since it was not meant that you should die yet”, Melek continued.
The white one bowed and smiled again.
”So we have to send you somewhere else, and give you a new body.”

Eliza didn’t know what to say. Everything was so confusing. Couldn’t she just be allowed to die? She was, after all, already here at the gateway to some kind of afterlife. She didn’t dare to use the word heaven even in her thoughts, that would seem rather blaspheme, she gathered.
”It’s okay for you to use the word heaven if you want to. God doesn’t mind! If that’s your belief, then believe it!”
Suddenly she understood that the silent one was God. It was breathtaking in more than one way, she felt her cheeks became all warm.
”Why doesn’t he talk himself?” she whispered to Melek.
”Because that would destroy your mind, to hear God’s voice straight out”, Melek whispered back.
God bowed even deeper and kept on smiling. Eliza began feeling more comfortable and rather enjoyed the situation.
”So where am I going, and can I have a young body? ”She whispered again.
”Don’t know where to yet, and – yes, you can. You will.” Melek too kept on whispering.
God smiled and bowed.

God looked at Melek, who then turned to Eliza and asked. ”Do you want to start over from the very beginning…”
”The very beginning?”
”Yes! As a newborn baby?”
Eliza, whose childhood hadn’t been exactly fun and filled with a loving family, immediately shook her head.
”Oh, no, NO! Please, not as a child again! Isn’t there any other option?!
”You can choose whatever you want, but may we come with a suggestion?”

Eliza looked at them, pondering the snippets of memories she now had begun to experience. ”Thank God,” she thought. ”that you have given me this opportunity to another life, a new life, a better one.”
”You’re welcome!” Melek said and Eliza froze for a moment. God bowed and smiled even brighter.
”Can you two hear my thoughts?”
”Of course!”
”Wow!” Then she kept silent for a long time.
Melek and God waited patiently.

”Will I remember this life?”
”Not unless you want to, but why should you?”
”No, I don’t want to. I never want to know anything about it, not even hear about it, or be reminded of it.”
”We can’t promise that. Free will, you know. You might actually want to know about earlier lives later on.”
”I don’t think so,” Eliza said in a rather snappish tone. ”I want to be a young woman, with potentials and talents, and I want a life the absolute opposite to the one I just had. With adventures and friends, with love and laughter, with…”
Melek and God bowed, smiled and then began to vanish. A dark, strong voice echoed and rolled against the cloud formations.
”And so it is.”

”Wait! I wasn’t finished! I want…”
She silenced herself when the clouds began to shift, became more and more like sand, and then suddenly she found herself standing in a vast desert. She was young, alright. She felt healthy and strong and she…
She was totally alone and had absolutely no idea how she got there or why. And nowhere she could see anything that looked like life. There was only one thing she knew and was sure of. Her name was Mz Eliza Elderberry.

On the road!

I started my novel! … or what ever it will be.

I did reach 2049 words today, so why can’t I collect this badge? Does it have to be exactly 1667 words? Or do I have to get all those other badges first? Like: been writing 2 days in a row, 3 days in a row, 7, 14 and 21 days in a row – before I can get my well earned 1,667 words written in one and the same day?

Which, by the way, is almost on the dot exactly (this Elaine wouldn’t approve of) 1/30 of 50,000 words.
It’s actually 1,66666666666666666… and continuing like that forever… and ever…

Well! There are still glitches and bugs or something on that site. Maybe that is the explanation for this mishap. The major important thing is, after all, to be able to add the day by day achievements to the stats.

And I can do that. November 1, 2019 – 2049 words written.

YES! I brag! And will continue bragging! I’m proud of myself today! Maybe I am on the road again! My writing road!!!

What a difference a day made

November. The first day of the month. NaNoWriMo-month.

In 30 days, I hope to have reached 50 000 words. I have no specific plan to what I shall write, but I had an idea to start with and so far, this first day, it went very well.

I have also decided that all I’m writing, shall be added to this NaNo-plan – that actually isn’t a plan at all – since my first goal, what I aim for the most, is to write every day, and as much as possible.

If the idea I started with today will turn into either a story of its own, or can be added to my fantasy novel about the Solar Eclipse and the Magic City, it will be wonderful.

If it leads to the fact that I also after November 2019 will continue writing daily – it’s not only a 50 000 word winning! It will be a much bigger price than just 30 days of hard work will render.

Time to get serious

Now it is Thursday, September 31 2019.

It’s still morning, I have had breakfast and am now sitting on the sofa with the laptop on my knees and a cup of coffee on the side. It’s calm here, quiet, peaceful, and I intend to write something! But what?

Tomorrow, the NaNoWriMo quest begins. Am I nervous? No. Troubled? No. Excited? Yeah! A bit! Looking forward to it!

Have I decided which language to write in?
Well! It’s still a bit hard to decide that. Writing in Swedish is naturally much easier, quicker, but…

What if I suddenly want to share a snippet of my writings with you, I can’t do that if it is written in Swedish. And what I came to think of as late as yesterday, was that this Mz Eliza Elderberry might show up in the story I’m already writing. She could very well do that. The Mechanical Man did!

Then it would be a pity if I write this November’s NaNo in Swedish.

Am I clear on that? Yes, I think so. AND! After all, I’ll try my best not to focus too much on how many words I MUST write. That would stress me too much. I’ll just keep on writing, and writing, and writing – and also try my best not to bother about spelling wrong, or not finding the “right” word. All that I’ll cope with later.

BUT! Then there was Elaine. The British lady who has been living here in Sweden for quite many years, has been teaching English and French in school, and overall is a very nice person. I like her! Like talking to her!

But I realized fairly soon that we are the opposites of each other. She is very square, and I don’t mean her physical appearance. Okay, maybe a little there as well. But more in her way of thinking, her personality, not that much able to “think around the corners”. Following rules without questioning.

We became friends rather quickly, and I one day asked her if she would mind reading a bit of my novel, and tell me how my English was. Specifically, I wanted her to check out the prepositions, I know I often chose the wrong ones. Not doing anything deeply, just a brief reading through the text. I also pointed out it was just a first draft, I hadn’t edited it at all, so  the literary accomplishments she shouldn’t worry about.

It has taken her a very long time to read that piece. But that doesn’t matter. Some words I’ve gotten from her from time to time. I write very well, she says. She’s impressed since I have a large vocabulary, and she wants to read the entire story. When asking her, she said the story was floating along very well, and the characters had life, they were not dead, flat paper-dolls.

Of course, I was happy hearing that!

Then, esterday I got a mail. With some criticism. It wasn’t much, but we will see each other this afternoon, and maybe she’ll have more for me then. Don’t know, just have to wait and see.

Well! Bad criticism always takes us down, doesn’t it? So naturally I felt a bit hurt. Not much, the criticism wasn’t that bad! But still! It was this tiny pinch in my stomach. But what can I say? I asked for it! I wanted to know what I do wrong, so I can learn and do better!

First of all, she told me I should choose to write either in British OR American English! Of course! I know that! Have known all the time. But I have told her – THIS IS JUST A DRAFT.
Just fairly recently I said to myself I wanted it to be written in British English since through my school-years and studies later on it were always British English. But also – I like it, I like the sound of it!

But she has a point there, which I will adapt to. She wrote: “You seem to be more used to American English.” I didn’t have to think much before I gave her her thumb up for this. I AM more used to American English. Through all the books I read and have read. To all movies and TV-series I watch and have watched. The blogging…

She has also her points about the grammar, and how to properly build sentences. I sometimes put adverbs in the wrong place, for example.

All those matters I have to study more, and perhaps, she will give me more examples from my text.

She didn’t mention anything about the prepositions, though. Does that mean I’m doing that fairly well now? After all? Or will she throw a bomb on my later with all the crap I write?

What I don’t understand at all, is what is wrong with “ain’t”.
If I used “ain’t” I should use it all the time, she claimed. Never (never, never?) use “isn’t” or “aren’t”.  Is that really true?

I thought, ain’t belongs to I. As instead of writing: I am not (be going to or doing this or that), I’ll write “I ain’t”, meaning, I refuse to. What has that to do with “aren’t” and “isn’t”??? First, second or third person? Singular – plural?

Okay! “It ain’t necessarily soooo…”

Then the issue of when I should use “as if” instead of “like” – I guess I have to find myself a good grammar lexicon…

There are all those examples where she is very strict and formal in how to use the language. I’ve noticed that earlier. She didn’t make any comment on that part of my writings now.

The example I back then showed her, was that to me wonderful use of “the wrong” word to show something. The book “Girl in Translation” by Jean Kwok, it was.

The had been playing hookey for a week, and she was so afraid her mother would have noticed. The young man at the workplace, who she was secretly interested in as well, calmed her by saying, he knew since he often had done that himself, but her mother didn’t. Then…
“Really,” she warmed to him.
And I saw the relief in her, how happy she got. The warmth was floating around her.

Elaine said: “That’s wrong. You can’t write like that.”

Oh yes! You can!
And I can. I can show, not just tell. I can USE the language. Yes, I can. (Maybe just not all the English grammar.)


Stage fright

When watching all those movies and TV-series, when reading all those books, when pondering all that I have written so far – is it beyond my reach, to write a whole novel?

Maybe I’m a bit morbid or something right now, for some reason, but there are all those thoughts rambling around in my head.

Do I doubt myself, my ability to write?

Not per se! I can write, I don’t doubt that. I know grammar – and I specifically mean the Swedish now – and I know how to spell. I can show instead of tell, and I’m really good at writing dialogues. I can “use” the language to build images for the reader, make them feel they are there, in the middle of the story…

But can I build an entire novel?

I can write short stories! And I do it well. Short stories are easy to write. Few persons. One scenery. One event. No other persons stories or actions. Not too long. I only have to focus on what actually happens, and make it live.

But can I build an entire novel?

I have always loved to watch movies and series, but lately, I’ve been indulging myself a lot in those worlds. I see the plots, always have, and how intriguing they are built by the author. Yes! I admit! They kind of scare me off, a bit.

Maybe I am, a bit morbid? Or maybe just a bit nervous about entering the NaNo in a couple of days. Not that I have anything to be nervous about, not really. I’m entering the task with open eyes! I don’t have a specific idea. I have no plot, not even an idea for a story.

My main concern is just to write… every day… for thirty days. Not adding any other expectations at all. And then – it will be, what it will be.

Still, I can’t help thinking – am I able to write a novel, an intriguing story with several characters, scenes and semi-plots that will mix and interact – or counteract – with the main story. Would I be able to make it catching, interesting, exciting – funny? Enjoying? To make it a whole story with ups and downs, with cliffhangers as well as smoothly ongoing parts. To make the characters into living beings, not ending up as flat paper-dolls?

At this very moment – I don’t know. But I realize I might only be seeing the matter in black and grey colours. Maybe there will be a story after all. And if I may wish for, and even pray for – something new that will continue my fantasy story with the work-name “The Solar Eclipse”. And “The mechanical Man”.

Maybe this Mz Eliza Elderberry that suddenly popped into my head a short time ago, will show up there, somehow, in that magical city surrounded by high mountain tops and a large, seemingly dead, desert.
And a weird solar eclipse.

I fear November, but I’m also looking forward to it.


Again I caught myself stuck with a TV-series. Not on Netflix this time, though I after “Salvation” watched the entire two seasons of “The Good Place”. Not that that one was a hit, but I didn’t know what else to watch next.

Then I remembered a British Series I once watched, on ordinary TV I think. It was a really good one, and might I already own it, or if not, could I get it?

I found it! On my own 3Tb external hard drive actually, and both seasons. When did I get it, and why had I forgotten about it? Don’t know. Don’t remember.

What I’m talking about here is “Indian summers” from 2015-2016.

Many good actors, including one of my favourite female British actresses – Julie Walters. Have loved her ever since I enjoyed “Educating Rita” a long time ago.

The story takes place in Simla, in the foothills of Himalayas, in the 1930s. India is occupied (think that’s the most proper word for it) by the British Empire, but there are lots of “trouble” occurring between the British and the Indian population. There is everything in here, from love to mere violence. The characters are very true-worthy, and the whole story is so catching! Can’t stop me from starting the next episode when finished the one before.

It also revealed that I never saw season two back then, so I’m really enjoying myself now. Though I actually should have been doing other things. Like writing, for example. NaNoWriMo is approaching. On Friday we have November 1st.

Also pondering to quit Netflix. At least for the time being. At least for November. Am watching way too many movies and TV-series… bu who cares. I can do what ever I want.

From Wikipedia:

Indian Summers is a British/American drama series that began airing on Channel 4 on 15 February 2015. The show details the events of summers spent at Simla, in the foothills of the Himalayas, by a group of the British governing and trading community at the time of the British Raj. The first series is set in 1932. It was broadcast in several countries subsequently.

The show was renewed for a second and final series on 1 March 2015. The second and final series is set in 1935 and began airing on 13 March 2016. Although initially planned by producers for five series, on 25 April 2016 it was announced that the show would not be renewed for a third series due to poor ratings and strong competition in its timeslot.